The Home for Readers of Black Lesbian Fiction
Just This Sistahs Opinion (March 2008)
Friends before lovers.
Such an interesting concept, but rarely one we put into practice.
Case in point, there’s the old running joke about what lesbians bring on a second date — a U-Haul. We tend to move quickly in women-to-women relationships, making bonds hurriedly, sometimes without much forethought. And in these fly-by-night affairs, the thing that’s missing?
True friendship.
By that I mean, the kind of connection that was there before the bedroom and will last way after the love is gone. Granted, lesbians do tend to keep it “all in the family,” so to speak. We all know each other or know someone who knows someone, only one degree of separation between women in the black lesbian community.
But some aren’t cultivating the roots of a lasting relationship — and that begins with friendship as a foundation. No love affair can fully blossom without pure affection as its basis.
Take for instance The Lezory Files, one of the current review selections for March. During the course of this memoir by Safari Ann Jones and Rose Sutra, the authors recall their misadventures in love, engaging in several unhealthy relationships. Most of them were affairs that lasted as long as the attraction was hot, but soon fizzled out. It took Safari and Rose finding and getting to know each other to lead to something worthwhile. Even mystery writer Nikki Baker’s In the Game featured a woman who moved in with her lover after only a month — and was in a tizzle when she uncovered her girlfriend had another girlfriend.
That’s how some women relate in love, falling in love after only five minutes, or more accurately, falling in lust. It’s nothing wrong with having a no-strings-attached liaison, if that’s what both of you are seeking. Don’t sleep with someone on the first date and expect magically to have a long-term relationship. It doesn’t happen like that. It only
creates drama and hurt feelings.
And that’s the last thing a woman needs.
Such an interesting concept, but rarely one we put into practice.
Case in point, there’s the old running joke about what lesbians bring on a second date — a U-Haul. We tend to move quickly in women-to-women relationships, making bonds hurriedly, sometimes without much forethought. And in these fly-by-night affairs, the thing that’s missing?
True friendship.
By that I mean, the kind of connection that was there before the bedroom and will last way after the love is gone. Granted, lesbians do tend to keep it “all in the family,” so to speak. We all know each other or know someone who knows someone, only one degree of separation between women in the black lesbian community.
But some aren’t cultivating the roots of a lasting relationship — and that begins with friendship as a foundation. No love affair can fully blossom without pure affection as its basis.
Take for instance The Lezory Files, one of the current review selections for March. During the course of this memoir by Safari Ann Jones and Rose Sutra, the authors recall their misadventures in love, engaging in several unhealthy relationships. Most of them were affairs that lasted as long as the attraction was hot, but soon fizzled out. It took Safari and Rose finding and getting to know each other to lead to something worthwhile. Even mystery writer Nikki Baker’s In the Game featured a woman who moved in with her lover after only a month — and was in a tizzle when she uncovered her girlfriend had another girlfriend.
That’s how some women relate in love, falling in love after only five minutes, or more accurately, falling in lust. It’s nothing wrong with having a no-strings-attached liaison, if that’s what both of you are seeking. Don’t sleep with someone on the first date and expect magically to have a long-term relationship. It doesn’t happen like that. It only
creates drama and hurt feelings.
And that’s the last thing a woman needs.
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